Is There a Middle Ground?

 I woke up this morning and was spending some time sitting on the couch with some tea, just being still. It's a habit I'm trying to instill 🙃 in my life (and currently am not very good at it!). I want to live out of a place of "inner stillness" and internalize the verse, "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10) It's amazing how much the Lord speaks in these times... or rather, how much easier it is to hear Him speak. 

 As I sat on the couch this morning, looking out over my snow-covered neighborhood, I felt that I needed to write out my journey with media. It seems a bit random honestly, but I'm learning that often the Lord's leading isn't a banner in the sky and is much more like a still, small voice or nudge in my spirit. So here goes...

 I grew up in a conservative, Christian home. I was homeschooled for the majority of my education. Looking back, I would say that I was quite sheltered from a lot of things, but our rules on media weren't so strict that I felt a strong desire to rebel in order to have freedom. When I was in high school though, I became so addicted to tv, that I would stay up until 4 o'clock in the morning most nights just watching whatever was on. It wasn't really because I was extremely interested in what was showing, but more because I felt compelled to watch. I didn't feel that I could help myself. When I got my own laptop when I started college at 16, I was able to watch pretty much whatever I wanted, so it got even more out of control.

 During this time, I was going to a bible study with some girls from my youth group, and I remember sharing how much of a struggle this was for me quite often when we shared prayer requests. At that time, Christianity was more a part of my upbringing and outward identity than it was a real relationship with Jesus. By the fall of my Senior year, I came to a point where just wanted to be free of the addiction I had to media. I felt so out of control. I felt like I was wasting my life and I couldn't stop. I remember desperately wanting the Lord to reveal Himself to me. I just felt like there had to be something more to following Jesus than what I was experiencing. I wanted to be a person who was on fire for the Lord, but I just felt dead, like a shell of a person. 

 The week before Jesus changed my life, I had this feeling that I needed to set limits on how much tv I was watching. I made a chart with the times that were "off-limits" for being on my computer and taped it next to my keyboard. I had attempted doing this before but, very surprisingly, this time I actually stuck to it. At the end of that week, I was sitting in church and the most amazing thing happened! I experienced the most wonderful feeling of peace I ever had in my life. I hadn't known what it felt like to be loved by God until that moment, and I knew immediately that it was what I had been missing! I knew that my life would never be the same and that I would do whatever He wanted me to. I came to understand that the "feeling" I had to set those limits with media was the conviction of the Holy Spirit, and the ability to stick to it came only through Him enabling me and giving me the strength to do it.

 I find it interesting how intertwined the stories of me experiencing Jesus and my struggles with media are. I look back at this time of my life, and can't help but think that my step of obedience to the Holy Spirit's leading (which I didn't recognize as that at the time), was one of the things that opened the door for me to come to the knowledge of His love, and subsequently give Him my life.

 This was a little over ten years ago, and although the Lord did give me freedom from my addiction to media at that time, since then I have struggled with knowing appropriate boundaries in this media-saturated world. The amount of content out there for us to consume is staggering, and so much of it is filled with things that do not honor the Lord. After giving my life to Jesus, I questioned what was okay to watch because I didn't want to be one of 'those people' who were so legalistic and would judge someone for something they didn't really know much about. For example, I would sneer at people who were so against watching Harry Potter, without ever having watched it themselves. When I watched it, I didn't feel that it was that bad. I didn't have that "discerning feeling" I would get with some other things I watched that were spiritually sketchy. And, after all, the character development and story progression was so fun to watch! (Isn't there always a reason?) There are much worse things I've watched, that I deeply regret. I know now that putting those things in front of my eyes was so damaging and pulled me away from the Lord, numbing my mind to the ability to hear from Him and to grow in my faith. All of this very humbling to share because of what I do in life, but I guess I'm supposed to share it!

 I know for a fact that the ability to discern what we watch and listen to is something that is seriously lacking among people who claim to follow Jesus today. I know, because much of the reason I watched so many regrettable things is because they were recommended to me by other Christians. Unfortunately, this is probably not surprising to anyone. It is so easy to become desensitized to things when you're taking it in day after day. It's for this reason that many Christians will take "media fasts" every once in a while. I did this for years... taking breaks from media for a month or so, being shocked at the content, then slowly reacclimatizing myself to watching sex, gore, etc., and repeating the cycle.

 It's hard to know how to challenge anyone to a higher standard in the cancel-culture of today, where people cut you out of their lives in the name of mental health and you have no idea why. The I'm-not-judging-you-so-do-whatever-you-want culture within the church is NOT biblical, but honestly I've seen this a lot, and even felt that way at times myself. In 1 Corinthians 5, Paul tells the church to stay away from people who are sexually immoral, to not even eat with them. I guess I'm not sure how "inviting" a tv show into our homes that is basically soft-core porn is any different from that. He goes on to say, "Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge?" (v. 12) I'm responsible for my own actions, but I sometimes wish that someone would've challenged me years ago, before I watched all 8 seasons of Game of Thrones, just as an example... but would I have listened? Maybe someone did, and I was so closed off to hearing it that it didn't sink in. This leads me to the question: Are we, as followers of Jesus, receptive to being challenged and corrected?

 What brought me personally to the starting place of cutting out a lot of the media I was taking in, was watching a random Youtube video (I've referenced this in a previous post) where the statement was made... "That which is not bringing me closer to God, is dragging me away from Him." The Holy Spirit used that to deeply convict me. I realized that I couldn't just keep mindlessly watching and listening to things that were, in actuality, dragging me away from the Lord. I am convinced that the enemy has used entertainment (very successfully) to draw people away from the Lord and to numb our minds to what is actually happening in the spiritual realm. I think it's something we should take way more seriously. 

This past year, the Lord has been renewing my mind after years of willingly exposing it to worldly things. He's been teaching me that the authority I have in the spiritual is greatly affected by what I open myself up to. Why would I watch a show that's not honoring to the Lord, when I know that it's going to affect my ability to intercede for those around me? Why would I willingly open a door to the enemy in my life? My desire is changing to want to redeem the time I am given. I thank the Lord for changing my mindset and how he continues to do so.

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." - Ephesians 5:16

 I don't exactly know why the Lord put this on my heart to share today, but I pray that He uses it in someone's life. I want to encourage my brothers and sisters to take the area of entertainment before the Lord and ask, "Is what I'm letting into my mind pleasing to you?" 

"Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord." - Ephesians 5:8-9

  

Thank you for listening.

À la prochaine, 

Claire